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Nightmares are Nightmarish!

So I just had about the worst nightmare I've ever had. Context: I played WoW almost all weekend, because I pretty much hadn't during November, and I'm letting my subscription just end on 12/23.

OK, so I fell asleep on my back, with my legs folded Indian-style. I usually sleep on my stomach or side, but whatever, this is the position I was in during my dream. In bed. Just like real life. All of a sudden, one of those giant man-sized (well, OK, this one was only torso-sized) spiders just crawls up under the covers and nestles itself right between my legs. WTF. I tried to move it, and it bit me! The motherfucker bit me, and it bit me right in the worst possible place! And it hurt! In a dream! Not fair!

So I'm fully alert right now. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I'm aware that this is impossible and I have to be dreaming, but that doesn't matter because THERE IS A SPIDER. BETWEEN MY LEGS. RESTING ITS FANGLY MANDIBLES UPON MY HOLY OF HOLIES. WHAT. THE. FUCK.

Somewhere along the line, a dog comes by - my dog, from my youth, she looked like a tiny doberman. Seriously, a doberman about the size of a small shih-tzu. She was awesome. Couldn't scare off the spider, just agitated it, and I didn't wanna get bit any more so I had to keep the spider under the covers and my dog at bay. After a while of this, I am magically transported into The Platonic Kitchen (it's the kitchen here in Bloomington, but it's also the kitchen up in Des Plaines, and up in Wisconsin, too - see? The Platonic Kitchen). I'm still naked under the covers with a spider defending its new damn home, but my bed is in the kitchen now. My father comes by and goes to the fridge, and I ask him for help. He asks what's wrong, neverminding the fact that my bed is in The Platonic Kitchen. That doesn't matter, I am in Trouble With a Capital T (and that rhymes with P and that stands for... pider).

So I explain to him about the spider and the dog and The Platonic Kitchen and he just takes it all on board, because that's how my father rolls. So I pull back the covers, and there's the huge friggin' spider with its beady little eyes and its fangly mandibles, and it raises its fangs to bite me again, but my dad deftly hooked his fingers under the spider's fangs so it couldn't do anything. I moved the blankets all the way off and grabbed the spider by its abdomen and lifted it off, and then I woke up. In my real bed. On my back. Legs folded Indian-style.

Crazy Dream

So I got my father's old motorcycle at my grandparents' place, but then I had to go help my squad (led by Captain America) take down the giant Voltron robot in the toy store. All the toys had some manner of destructive effects based on the things they represented - the Nerf bow was like the torque bow from Gears of War, for example. I clambered up on the uprights and started peppering the robot from above (he was only like fifteen feet tall), but he knocked me off and then I woke up.

I really need more than one life in my dreams.

Mmm, mania!

It's like the creme filling of depression.


Depression and insomnia are just not allowed to team up, goddammit.

I write limericks!

I came up with these at work the other day. Enjoy!
It seems that, in speech, our friend Yoda
Would, rather than comma, use coda
His syntax, so furtive
Lends well to recursive
Patterns of "al fine, da coda."

When working upon your new lim'ricks
Don't forget to include raunchy gimmicks
Like a haiku sans nature
Your readers will hate'cha
If you eschew tits, ass, and big dicks

To all of you math-minded lot
Who find rhymed equations so hot
With numbers, you're handy
Just please make it randy
And include the occasional twat

There was a young man hailed from Normal
Who thought that sex should be quite formal
He consistently fucks
Whilst wearing a tux
Though he sometimes puts beads up his cornhole

A whore on the streets of Willimantic
For a heroin fix once grew frantic
Until finally a trick
Slipped her dough to take dick
And then junk brought relief quite gigantic

Requiem for a Dream, in Limerick form:
There was a bright young lad named Harry
Loved by mom, friend, and girl (who he'll marry)
But his epic addiction
Is the hero of this fiction
And it wins in the end, which is scary

Submitted to LimerickDB. Wish me luck!


Fragments and Ideas

I had a bunch of inspiration at... shudder... Wal-Mart today. It had nothing to do with my surroundings... I had just been listening to Modest Mouse a lot and reflected upon the fact that there's not a lot of explicitly atheistic music in the world. And then I got a bunch of ideas so I wrote them down on receipt tape. Some of these are "connected," but most are just disparate spur-of-the-moment flashes that I managed to capture on paper. I want to put them somewhere because I'm not going to hold on to receipt tape, so here it is:
We lost the plot
the very moment we thought
that there was ever a god
watching over this rock
- - -
If we'd just drop all our fairy tales
Then maybe we could see
That each and every one
Of life's great mysteries
Just flows naturally
From the properties
Of reality
And then we'd realize
That there's no magic at all
Behind all the beauty and the wonder and the loveliness
And that's the real magic trick -
How the Universe managed to find a way to be aware of itself
All by itself.
- - -
In the beginning, there was nothing
Except for all of the everything
That was sitting around doing nothing
Except being the source for all of the everything
And we see it today
And we think there's no way
That everything could be everything
Without coming from somewhere else.
- - -
And it sat and did nothing
'Til it started trying everything
And it keeps on doing everything
Until it can do anything
- - -
And the changes kept repeating
And the things, they kept changing
And soon everything was different
And now everything's amazing
If you only know where to look
If you only know how to see
But you think that certain people
From millennia ago
Somehow found all of the answers
And they really oughtta know
'Cause their book's been around so long
But what if they got it all wrong?
- - -
I simply can't believe
That an ancient book or our family tree
Holds the One Truth of the Universe
And if you disagree
Then that's the last real thought you'll have
'Cause they did the rest of your thinking first
So yeah, I still need music, and other lyrics, but this is pretty much just a dumping ground for this stuff right now. Semi-poetic aphorisms FTW, eh?
Need a roommate!
For to help pay all this goddamn rent!
Near the
Town of Normal!
We have got a really big basement!

So yeah: rent is $350/month + utilities (cable/intarwebz, water, gas, & lightning) divided by three people. Entire bedroom available, plus plenty of basement space. Has washing machine, dryer, dishwasha, detached garage, and two bathrooms. The ideal candidate will be cool, rad, and full of the awesome. Need moar roommate for roommate-has. KTHXBYE.
And now, some dudes goofing off hard:



WTF Ninja Sweater?!

OK, so I planned on wearing my black fleece sweater from the Gap to my interview this morning, but now I can't find it anywhere. I haven't worn it in a while, so I was pretty sure it was in the "sweater" section of my closet. But it's not... and neither is my navy blue fleece sweater from LL Bean. Nor is either of them in any of my laundry, or any of my boxes, or the basement, or any of the various closets about. I may have left them at my parents' place on some trip, but it's unlikely that they wouldn't be found, as they were both gifts from my mom and she remembers like everything she gets me. Anyway, if anyone has been plagued by a mysterious black and/or navy blue sweater(s), please let me know, and I will be more than happy to solve your problem.


I have an interview on Wednesday! Hooray!

It's at Wal-Mart! Boo!

But it's still income! Hooray!

But it's all the way across town! Boo!

So it's pros and cons. But hopefully this will come through. My availability seems to mesh fairly well with their needs, so this could work out. Wish me luck!

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